Being Me

A typical day standing by the lake.

A typical day standing by the lake.

I spend a ridiculous amount of time by myself.

I’m home alone most evenings right after work and it isn’t uncommon for me to go an entire day on the weekend without even seeing another person. Unless I need to go to the grocery store or decide to go to one of the busier parks to shoot photos it’s pretty easy to isolate myself at home.

It’s not as though I have no interaction at all. There’s Facebook, of course, with it’s false sense of community. I can stay up-to-date with everyone I know without ever actually talking to them or seeing them. It’s easy to get sucked in for hours, living vicariously through all of your friends and their various exploits.

Am I lonely?  Sometimes, I guess. But I generally don’t mind being alone. In fact, on some level, it’s a choice. There are a lot of things I could do. I could re-engage in the theater and photography communities. I could volunteer. But that all just sounds like a lot of effort right now.

Sometimes, I wonder “What’s wrong with me?” I used to be so outgoing and social. Now I avoid crowds. Just the thought of going out at night exhausts me. Then, I remember that just a few short months ago, I was a full-time caregiver and that it is going to take time to re-define who I am and how I live my life.

Patience has never been my strongest attribute.

I’ve also never been particularly good at living in the moment. I’ve spent a lot of my life chasing some idea of what I should be, some version of “success” that I’ve had in my brain.  I’m starting to realize that I’d be better served by taking cues from what’s going on around me in the moment.  Enjoy those moments, because they’re all we have.

I know that this year is going to be full of change for me.  Change is hard and scary, but it is necessary for growth. I am eager to see how the coming months unfold.

In the meantime, I guess it’s a good thing I enjoy my own company.

Weekend Camera fun

This is me at Union Bay Natural Area with the Nikkor 400mm F2.8 VR and 2x extender. These lenses are so expensive that it's WAY cheaper to rent them than buy them. But if I won the lottery I just might have to get one...

This is me at Union Bay Natural Area with the Nikkor 400mm F2.8 VR and 2x extender. These lenses are so expensive that it’s WAY cheaper to rent them than buy them. But if I won the lottery I just might have to get one…Despite the comments on my Facebook page about “compensating” for something.  

I posted a lot of pictures from the Nisqually Wildlife Refuge yesterday.  Today’s pictures are from Seward Park and Union Bay Natural Area (and one from my house) in Seattle.  Both parks are close to home and have abundant wildlife, especially birds.

The 400mm F2.8 paired with the 2x extender was a great combo.  There was some light degradation, but it worked really well to bring things in close.

I didn't take this with the rented lens, but I liked the photo a lot anyway.  It snows so seldom here, it's fun to shoot when it does.  20mm Lens.

I didn’t take this with the rented lens, but I liked the photo a lot anyway. It snows so seldom here, it’s fun to shoot when it does. 20mm Lens.

peepers

The reach on this lens was such that I was able to shoot this from roughly 200 yards away.

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The light today was great…the grey skies and snow on the ground made it one giant softbox.

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As often happens, this eagle snuck up on me. I was only able to snap this one photo of him flying.

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He was nice enough to land on a nearby tree and sit there for 20 minutes while I snapped a few dozen pictures of him.

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The clarity of this lens is incredible.

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I take tons of pictures of cormorants, but hardly ever post them, because they are too far away. This lens let me get up close enough to really see the coloration of his beak and eye.

Owlets and other wonders of nature.

Mossy

One of the things I love about the Northwest is how green and lush everything is. The trees in Nisqually are covered in Moss.

This weekend I rented a Nikkor 400mm F2.8 lens and a 2x teleconverter.  I decided to make the trek from Seattle to the Nisqually Wildlife Refuge 40 miles to the south to see what the day would bring me.

Nisqually is a haven for all types of birds.  I always see bald eagles, hawks, falcons, blue herons and ducks of all kinds.  Today, however, I found out that a family of great horned owls lives there.  There are apparently two adults (I only saw one today) and three owlets (I saw all three!).

There is almost nothing I like more than photographing nature.  I get to hike around outside (the 400mm is not the friendliest lens in the world for that, by the way) and witness all kinds of amazing things.  The world is an amazing, brutal and beautiful place.  Enjoy the photos below.

The Nisqually Wildlife Refuge is in a tidal flat and  has a view of the Olympic Mountains to the West and Mount Rainier to the East.

The Nisqually Wildlife Refuge is in a tidal flat and has a view of the Olympic Mountains to the West and Mount Rainier to the East.

GHO Mom

This is the great horned owl parent that I saw today. He/she sat on this tree with a clear view of the owlets in the nest the entire time I was in the park (over 4 hours).

Peekaboo Owlet

One of the owlets plays peek-a-boo.

Yawn

Being cute is exhausting work.

Nisqually 2

The views today were incredible.

 

Homage Pt II

I started geeking last night and it continued to tonight.  This will run its course, I promise.

In the meantime, I made these tonight.

Homage

I stumbled across a blog the other day, quite by accident.  Check it out here.

Inspired, I decided to do an homage of sorts.  And, since the Seahawks are going to be in the Superbowl on Sunday, I thought I’d mix it up with a little Seahawks pride.

Thank you NikitaVdV, for the inspiration!

12thMan 1

I created this using a photo of a 12th man flag displayed on my iPhone as the only light.

I made this one using a small LED light...I'd do it differently next time, as I had to do a lot of post-processing to get this to this stage...

I made this one using a small LED light…I’d do it differently next time, as I had to do a lot of post-processing to get this to this stage…

Bottlelight

Lit entirely by the home screen on my iPhone.

12thMan 2

Another try at the 12th Man Motif. This time with zig-zags.

 

Go Hawks!

Go Hawks!

If I won the lottery

I hope that if I became rich I wouldn't become an asshole.

I hope that if I became rich I wouldn’t become an asshole.

People want to be rich for a variety of reasons.  In the end, however, I think the underlying reason for most of us is that we want to be free of the nine-to-five workaday life.  Though there are those among us lucky enough to have found a way to make a living doing what we love, most of us work to live, not the other way around.  We work to support the things we love.  That is certainly the case with me.

With the recent Mega Millions lotto that was over $600 million it got me thinking about what I’d do with that kind of money.

In terms of the “things” I’d get, below are a few of them, in no particular order.

I'm not a grease monkey, but I've always loved to drive, and I like classic cars.  I'd probably have a small collection of classic cars, like this 1963 Porsche 911- 357

I’m not a grease monkey, but I’ve always loved to drive, and I like classic cars. I’d probably have a small collection of classic cars, like this 1963 Porsche 911- 357

I love tropical locations and I love tree houses. I’d buy a place in Costa Rica or elsewhere in Central America and build a treehouse in a tree like this ficus. I’d probably spend all but the rainy season here.

I've always wanted to learn how to fly, and I especially enjoy flying in helicopters.  I'd get my heli license if I had unlimited funds.I’ve always wanted to learn how to fly, and I especially enjoy flying in helicopters. I’d get my heli license if I had unlimited funds.

I'd get season tickets to see the Seattle Seahawks.  Ok, this this one is pretty attainable even without the lotto...but if I won the lotto I'd probably get a box.  That way I could bring a bunch of friends to every game.

I’d get season tickets to see the Seattle Seahawks. Ok, this this one is pretty attainable even without the lotto…but if I won the lotto I’d probably get a box. That way I could bring a bunch of friends to every game.

I'd be able to afford the best lenses available that would allow me to shoot in all kinds of conditions.  I might finally have enough zoom to catch the bald eagle picture I've always wanted.

I’d be able to afford the best lenses available that would allow me to shoot in all kinds of conditions. I might finally have enough zoom to catch the bald eagle picture I’ve always wanted.

Of course, the things are only a small part of what I’d do with the money.  I’d invest some of it, and I’d find ways to give back.  At home I’d sponsor educational opportunities through scholarships and efforts to provide low-income children a chance to get an education.  There’s nothing worse than having the ability to do well in school, but to be denied the opportunity because your family can’t afford it.

Globally, there are so many causes that deserve support, it would just be a matter of choosing one (or several) and sponsoring those.  I’m especially enamored with charities that help people to help themselves by providing them a means to break the cycle of poverty.  Buying livestock or land for people who live a subsistence lifestyle is one example, but there are others to be sure.

I’d be a patron of the arts.  I believe that one of the things that defines us as human beings is our ability to create and appreciate art.  I appreciate all forms of art and would support as many different types of artists in their endeavors as possible.

I have no desire to have fancy clothes or to go to expensive hotels and exclusive clubs.  I’m a blue collar guy at heart.  I’d do some things for myself and my family, sure…but just think of the meaningful impact that much money could have on so many others.

What would you do if you won the lotto?  Would you want to rub elbows with the Kardashians, or roll up your sleeves and do something for others?  Leave a comment below, I’m interested to hear peoples’ thoughts.

The 12th Man

20140119-132134.jpgI’m ready to enjoy the NFC Championship between the Seattle Seahawks and the San Francisco 49ers. Go Hawks!!!

14/48: The World’s Quickest Theater Festival

1 <3 1448

The picture above says it.  I love 14/48!

What is 14/48, you may ask?  It’s a theater festival and one of my favorite things in the world.  I could never explain it better than they already have.  Here is a snippet from their website that explains the process:

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Early Thursday night:
After tapping the ceremonial 14/48 Keg, all the participants choose a theme by completing this sentence: “Theatre would be a lot more interesting if there were seven ten-minute plays about _____.” One answer is chosen at random and that becomes the theme for the following evening. Seven terrfied, excited, caffeinated writers must submit a brand new 10-minute play based on the theme by 8am Friday morning.

Friday morning:
Seven directors gather and each randomly draw one play. Thirty minutes later, the directors blindly choose actors and actresses’ names on slips of paper to cast the show.

That day:
The band shows up to provide music and sound, designers create all technical aspects of each show as the directors and their casts rehearse all day. Each play gets 20 minutes of tech rehearsal.

Friday evening:
The seven plays have their World Premiere at 8pm and Final Performance at 10:30pm. The 8pm audience provides the theme for Saturday’s show via a random drawing and the seven writers go home to start the process all over again to culminate with seven brand new scripts for Saturday evening at 8pm and 10:30pm, thus creating 14 plays in 48 hours.

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If you are a fan of theater, this is for you.  If you aren’t a fan of theater, this is DEFINITELY for you.  The stakes are high for all involved, and the audience is the beneficiary of that elevated level of adrenaline.   Many of the most powerful moments I’ve seen performed, period, have been onstage at 14/48.

I highly recommend that you pay a visit to their website.

I’m going to the 10:30 show tonight, and I can’t wait!

Apropos of Nothing

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It all started three years ago today.  The day Mom died.  I actually didn’t find out until two days later, when a family friend discovered her body.  She’d gotten the flu and gotten weak.  Sometime on January 17, 2011, my mom went to sleep and never woke up.

My (then) nearly 100 year-old grandmother lived with Mom at the time.  She had discovered Mom’s body but wasn’t sure what to do, so she did the only thing she could do:  she kept the fire going and kept herself fed, knowing that eventually someone would stop by.  As soon as I got the call about Mom, my mind went into overdrive.  What were we going to do about Grandma?

Well…the ultimate answer was that she moved in with me.  She lived with me from May  2011 until she died of old age at my house in October 2013 at almost 102 years of age.  I wrote a previous blog about my experiences taking care of her here: One L Short of Normal (A quick check tells me that the first post of One L Short of Normal was on January 18, 2013…almost exactly a year ago).

I’m not the same person I was before Mom died.  Far from it.  Whereas I used to spend most of my time out with friends and was hardly ever home, two and half years of being home has made me a homebody.  I used to be really extroverted (which masked my shy side).  Now, I get anxious in crowds.

There have been some really positive changes as well.  I’m more empathetic and more patient than I used to be.

I am starting to enjoy my new-found freedom, and I look forward to the discoveries and adventures that await in the coming year.

After Grandma passed away,  I knew I’d have a lot of processing to do.  It’s been a tumultuous few years!  I missed the writing I had been doing on the blog about Grandma, so I decided that I’d share the process of the re-birth of my life in writing, here.  If nothing else, it gives me a place to put down my thoughts and share the occasional photo that I take along the way.  I hope you enjoy.  And if you do (or even if you don’t)…leave a comment.

Cheers!